So, this is my first entry after... I don't know how long. Well, I still haven't got any ideas to make people interested in reading my thought, yet, that isn't important for me.
Now I've become a third year medical student... can't believe time has passed by really fast! I still remember how... disappointed I was in my first year, since all I got here was beyond my expectation, in sort of a bad way. Yet, thing had been better since I was in my second year. I became really excited to know my groupmates more, and yes, they were really lovable people! Although some of them were more lovable than others, overall, I enjoyed my company in my second year group. Everything went well, we often went out together, although we seldom took pictures together (really different from my first year group). And know what? Right after we finished the second session of Block 12 exam, we went to Solo for "farewell holiday", we had so much fun together, and... in the end of the last day, I cried! Oh my. I love them all, really. Until now. Maybe except for one person, but never mind.
So, third year means I need to start doing my research. FYI, I need to complete 7 semesters until I can be graduated as a Bachelor of Medicine and third year means I've already been in my 5th semester. I haven't started my research yet, it will started on Saturday this week. Oh my... I feel both excited and nervous! How will my research end? Will it end well or bad? I hope mine will end nicely nevertheless...
Another thing. I guess, I've got some visions on what I might be doing in the future. I want to be either a dermatologist, an otolaryngologist, or a cardiologist. But I also enjoy Clinical Pathology. =S I know, those can be considered as "many", but at least I've got some visions. Before that, I of course always wanted to learn Medicine, but maybe for a reason that was just too self-conscious. I want to learn Medicine because I want to know more about what makes us human, in scientific way. So my reason was only to fulfill my own curiosity. Not (that) bad, a friend of mine said. Yet, aren't doctors supposed to help people? Well, at least now I've already got some sort of "self-sacrificing" will, so at least, I think I'm okay right now. I still have a wish to be fulfilled, though I need more clues to make this wish come true. I don't want if I only have jobs in the hospital, or any other clinical things. I still want a job with an international atmosphere (and although I think it's still the best for me to work here, in Indonesia, I can't lie that I've always been eager all my life to life abroad, in a more prosperous country; don't say that I'm a betrayer, ok?!). So I think, working in the World Health Organization will be awesome! Until now. It's the only place in my mind where I shouldn't be really "bounded" with my "clinical" responsibilities. I think, everything is possible, so will I fulfill that dream of mine one day? Let's just see... But what I should do next, after I've been graduated... I need some guidance for THAT.
Other thing. About my love life. I'm still in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, we've been together for about 2,5 years! Woohoo. We've still got our ups and downs of course. After all this time, I still think that I've had the closest emotional connection with my current boyfriend among other people. He... understands me best. Really. That's why I cherish him. Although nobody is perfect, but still...
Well, last October, I think I really broke his heart, sort of. I never told him before that, in the end of my 4th semester, there has been this guy (X) that made me couldn't concentrate whenever I was near him. I've alwaaays felt guilty due to this kind of feeling, since I was supposed NOT to HAVE that kind of feeling! But I just couldn't help it. On that time, there was only one person who knew about my dillemma. I might say that she's the person I felt most comfortable to talk with.
And time went by. I found out that the Indonesian version of Twilight sagas had been published, and I collected those novels (both the Indonesian AND the American versions). I really enjoy the novel. Somehow, until now, I think my current love life has become like the one in this saga. With some differences.
I consider myself as Isabella Swan.
Nah, the problem is... I consider X as Edward Cullen!
So, although my boyfriend met me first, he became Jacob Black in this case. BAD.
However, I choose Jacob rather than Edward for my current love-life. It's good, because I still think I did what I was supposed to do, no matter how... oh my, mesmerized I've been by "Edward".
I was able to keep my thought off of "Edward". Until one day. Unbelievable. Because of a too-complicated thing I'm even unable to write... I cried. Because of "Edward". Seemed like, since that time, I've got a special feelings for him, while I'm not supposed to have it. How... bad... and... sad... especially because of the fact that he made me cried! How bad... and how selfish... I want both of them to be mine... How... not cool.
Eventually, there was a day when I broke up with my boyfriend for a while, because of our "disagreement" about several things. And there was a time when I told my boyfriend about X. He was really surprised, but know what? He wasn't even angry at me! I felt bad. After my "Edward" (and I broke up for a while with my "Jacob"), I told another friend of mine about my dillemma. So I was sort of having 2 confidantees at that moment. Both of them told me to stay cool. And, kind of preferring my relationship with my boyfriend over with "Edward" (Edward has just made my life... less easy! He made me helpless, from that day until now). Eventually, my boyfriend and I got back together, again. I do love him, I think so. But... what should I do to this Edward of mine? I still can't resist that kind of perfection. How often do you find a person that seems perfect for you? I guess, it's a rare chance, isn't it? Oh well. I guess I should keep going, keep focusing, on my relationship with my current boyfriend. Shouldn't think about "Edward" that much. Que sera sera... whatever will be, will be. I'm guessing on what future has for me!
Enough bout my love life. About my family. I love them more and more, you know. Nowadays, whenever I'm able to be home, I feel really cozy, really happy, and don't wish to go back to Jogja for my study. I hope my family -my dad, my mom, my little sister- are fine right now. Especialy my sister. Now she's studying on the 9th grade of middle school, so she's going to be graduated next year. I wonder where she's going to study for high school... Pray her for the best, ok?!
Ah... so it's 12.53 a.m. already. Should go to bed right now. Oyasuminasai...
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