Now: K3M

Hello, world!

Well, now I'm having clerkship on another new department, and beside this current one, I "only" have 3 more departments left (i.e. Pediatrics, Neurology, Dermato-Venereology). So, I'm currently doing my K3M, which honestly, I don't know what it stands for! *my bad* This time, we're supposed to do some Public/Community Health projects, out of Yogyakarta city. Fortunate enough, my K3M isn't located too far; all of my co-ass groupmates get their K3M places in Kulon Progo regency, Yogyakarta province. Mine is at-and-around Puskesmas Galur 2, which consists of three villages. My friends and I stay at Banaran village...

We haven't decided what kind of projects we're going to do, since we just got the Puskesmas (yearly?) report yesterday/Saturday. Let's just see later.. Anywho, I feel so-so with staying at my K3M place. It's.. okay, I suppose. The hardest thing is that I can't really browse the internet (through my laptop). First, because my modem doesn't get any signal there. Second, because my laptop is kinda "old", so it needs to be charged most of the time (my laptop's battery could only last for about 1 hour). Beside problems with my laptop, I'm quite okay to stay there (I don't really need TV; most of regular Indonesian TV shows suck). Oh, since we're staying in a village, honestly, it's quite spooky to go outside at night, hehee.

I don't have anything else to write, beside perhaps, it really feels soothing to live in such not-so-outcasted village and work at such Puskesmas. So, I hope I'll come out with another nice thing to write later. :) Actually, I've got some pictures of me & my friends there, but I'm too dizzy to upload them now (thanks Danny for capturing those pics!)

♥

Hello!
I opened my window and whispered
How are you?
Alone in my room, with no one
Morning!
The morning has arrived, with a heavy downpour
Tick-tack
Someone please rewind my spring for me

Hello!
I think that kind of person appeared only in old anime
How are you?
I am so jealous, that someone can be loved by all
Sleeping...
I must stop saying silly things and start preparing
Crying...
In order to hide my tear marks

"Oh well whatever" has become my favorite phrase
That line from yesterday went straight over my head:
"I don't have any expectations of you anymore."
Well, even I myself
don't have any expectations of myself,
but still, what was THAT for?!

The words that escaped from my throat
were nothing but lies
Today, too, I have wasted some valuable words,
as I continue living my life

Why is it that you end up hiding it?
Is it that you're scared of being laughed at?
Is it that you don't want to meet anyone?
Is that really true?
Drowning in a sea of the name "ambiguity",
I'm suffering because I can no longer breathe
I now have a small urge to listen to someone's voice
I am so weak

With my preparation going nowhere at all,
I start thinking with my hazy head:
"Should I just find a reason so that I can rest now?"
Nah, I know, I know,
I'm just saying things, that's all,
but I'm not going to rest, so don't get angry at me

Be I happy or miserable,
the morning sun will rise fairly and cruelly
I'm already trying my best just to live,
what else do you possibly expect of me?

Why do you end up being bothered by this?
Is it that you actually want to be loved?
Who was it that let go of your hand?
Have you come to a realization?
If my life has a time card,
then exactly when do I get off my "work"?
Who will pay me my salary
for having been living all this time?

Thank you!
I actually want to say "thank you"
Thank you!
I actually want to say "thank you"
Thank you!
Even if just for once,
while I lament from the bottom of my heart,
I actually want to say "thank you"

Why is it that you end up hiding it?
Is that you actually want me to ask you about it?
I promise that I will not laugh,
so why don't you trying tell me?
I won't know anything if you don't open your mouth
You won't convey anything by merely thinking in your head
What a troublesome species of organism,
the one called "human", that is

Hello! How are you?
To you, I say "Hello! How are you?" 

Hello/How Are You? - Hatsune Miku/Nanou 

♥

After my holiday has over...

Huaaa... akhirnya liburan selese juga. Masuk blok baru deh. Ayooo, tetep semangat! Haha...


Well, anyway, in the past weeks, I've done lots of things. Let's see... First, I've bought Ayumi Hamasaki's A Complete ~All Singles~ album! I've been longing to have this album for months! And finally, I was able to find one unimported CD of it. The CD wasn't really pricey either.

This album consists of 3 CDs. CD1 consists of 15 songs, so does CD2. There are 14 songs in CD3, plus one bonus track, which is Who... (Chinese version). Since I've been a fan of Ayu since middle school (around 2001), having this album makes me reminiscing about good old days of mine. If you're also a fan of Ayu, I guess this album is a must. If you just want to hear more of Ayu's songs and randomly want to buy her album, well, you can hear almost all of her singles in this album, from her debut in Poker Face (her first song with Avex) until Mirrorcle World (Green/Days are counted as her latest singles, not yet available in an album). I definitely enjoy this album. ^^

Then... what else? Ah, I went to Bandung on the night of February 4, arrived there in Thursday morning. If I should describe my holiday in Bandung shortly, I'd say that I had become a unofficial supporter of HME ITB (sport) team; I watched (and supported?) lots of their matches during my stay in Bandung. Their matches weren't bad, I even somewhat envied their spirits during the match, really full of energy! I also went out with my besties there...


Well, I also watched movies in Blitz Megaplex. Dunno, I just find this cineplex as a really nice place if you want to watch good movies. So, one night, I decided to watch Krabat. It was a German movie and what made us who watched it got interested was this movie was shown in Toronto International Film Festival 2008. Sounds good, rite? Honestly, I couldn't really understand this movie!!! Hahahaha... However, it has got nice visual effects and a unique storyline. Krabat's storyline deals with (the "seduction" of) black magic and for a fantasy movie, I guess it's kinda rare to find a fantasy movie that mainly deals with black magic... Oh, and I just found out that this movie was based on a German novel! Maybe I gotta try to find (and read) the original (hopefully translated into English) novel. ^^;;

Another movie I watched was Pintu Terlarang, but I don't wanna write anything about it. The movie was kinda... sadistic, and scary... xD

What else have I done lately? Hmm, dunno what more to write... I started my 6th semester of university yesterday. Hopefully, this semester will give me much better things than my previous ones. =)

How My Life Has Been Going

So, this is my first entry after... I don't know how long. Well, I still haven't got any ideas to make people interested in reading my thought, yet, that isn't important for me.

Now I've become a third year medical student... can't believe time has passed by really fast! I still remember how... disappointed I was in my first year, since all I got here was beyond my expectation, in sort of a bad way. Yet, thing had been better since I was in my second year. I became really excited to know my groupmates more, and yes, they were really lovable people! Although some of them were more lovable than others, overall, I enjoyed my company in my second year group. Everything went well, we often went out together, although we seldom took pictures together (really different from my first year group). And know what? Right after we finished the second session of Block 12 exam, we went to Solo for "farewell holiday", we had so much fun together, and... in the end of the last day, I cried! Oh my. I love them all, really. Until now. Maybe except for one person, but never mind.

So, third year means I need to start doing my research. FYI, I need to complete 7 semesters until I can be graduated as a Bachelor of Medicine and third year means I've already been in my 5th semester. I haven't started my research yet, it will started on Saturday this week. Oh my... I feel both excited and nervous! How will my research end? Will it end well or bad? I hope mine will end nicely nevertheless...

Another thing. I guess, I've got some visions on what I might be doing in the future. I want to be either a dermatologist, an otolaryngologist, or a cardiologist. But I also enjoy Clinical Pathology. =S I know, those can be considered as "many", but at least I've got some visions. Before that, I of course always wanted to learn Medicine, but maybe for a reason that was just too self-conscious. I want to learn Medicine because I want to know more about what makes us human, in scientific way. So my reason was only to fulfill my own curiosity. Not (that) bad, a friend of mine said. Yet, aren't doctors supposed to help people? Well, at least now I've already got some sort of "self-sacrificing" will, so at least, I think I'm okay right now. I still have a wish to be fulfilled, though I need more clues to make this wish come true. I don't want if I only have jobs in the hospital, or any other clinical things. I still want a job with an international atmosphere (and although I think it's still the best for me to work here, in Indonesia, I can't lie that I've always been eager all my life to life abroad, in a more prosperous country; don't say that I'm a betrayer, ok?!). So I think, working in the World Health Organization will be awesome! Until now. It's the only place in my mind where I shouldn't be really "bounded" with my "clinical" responsibilities. I think, everything is possible, so will I fulfill that dream of mine one day? Let's just see... But what I should do next, after I've been graduated... I need some guidance for THAT.

Other thing. About my love life. I'm still in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, we've been together for about 2,5 years! Woohoo. We've still got our ups and downs of course. After all this time, I still think that I've had the closest emotional connection with my current boyfriend among other people. He... understands me best. Really. That's why I cherish him. Although nobody is perfect, but still...

Well, last October, I think I really broke his heart, sort of. I never told him before that, in the end of my 4th semester, there has been this guy (X) that made me couldn't concentrate whenever I was near him. I've alwaaays felt guilty due to this kind of feeling, since I was supposed NOT to HAVE that kind of feeling! But I just couldn't help it. On that time, there was only one person who knew about my dillemma. I might say that she's the person I felt most comfortable to talk with.

And time went by. I found out that the Indonesian version of Twilight sagas had been published, and I collected those novels (both the Indonesian AND the American versions). I really enjoy the novel. Somehow, until now, I think my current love life has become like the one in this saga. With some differences.

I consider myself as Isabella Swan.
Nah, the problem is... I consider X as Edward Cullen!
So, although my boyfriend met me first, he became Jacob Black in this case. BAD.
However, I choose Jacob rather than Edward for my current love-life. It's good, because I still think I did what I was supposed to do, no matter how... oh my, mesmerized I've been by "Edward".

I was able to keep my thought off of "Edward". Until one day. Unbelievable. Because of a too-complicated thing I'm even unable to write... I cried. Because of "Edward". Seemed like, since that time, I've got a special feelings for him, while I'm not supposed to have it. How... bad... and... sad... especially because of the fact that he made me cried! How bad... and how selfish... I want both of them to be mine... How... not cool.

Eventually, there was a day when I broke up with my boyfriend for a while, because of our "disagreement" about several things. And there was a time when I told my boyfriend about X. He was really surprised, but know what? He wasn't even angry at me! I felt bad. After my "Edward" (and I broke up for a while with my "Jacob"), I told another friend of mine about my dillemma. So I was sort of having 2 confidantees at that moment. Both of them told me to stay cool. And, kind of preferring my relationship with my boyfriend over with "Edward" (Edward has just made my life... less easy! He made me helpless, from that day until now). Eventually, my boyfriend and I got back together, again. I do love him, I think so. But... what should I do to this Edward of mine? I still can't resist that kind of perfection. How often do you find a person that seems perfect for you? I guess, it's a rare chance, isn't it? Oh well. I guess I should keep going, keep focusing, on my relationship with my current boyfriend. Shouldn't think about "Edward" that much. Que sera sera... whatever will be, will be. I'm guessing on what future has for me!

Enough bout my love life. About my family. I love them more and more, you know. Nowadays, whenever I'm able to be home, I feel really cozy, really happy, and don't wish to go back to Jogja for my study. I hope my family -my dad, my mom, my little sister- are fine right now. Especialy my sister. Now she's studying on the 9th grade of middle school, so she's going to be graduated next year. I wonder where she's going to study for high school... Pray her for the best, ok?!

Ah... so it's 12.53 a.m. already. Should go to bed right now. Oyasuminasai...

[only] random

Hmm... it's been 1.54 a.m. here, in my place. Dunno what to write actually. Well, maybe I wanna write a bit about why I decided to make this blog as my main blog (hopefully I won't change it anymore).

Umm, seems like I'd love Blogger better than my previous Xanga blog or Wordpress. I'm searching for free blog sites, you know! Sooo... yaa... FYI, actually I've made a blog in Blogger before, but it was loooooooooooong time ago, back when I was still a 10th grade student. *not important, huh?*

Well, still, dunno what to write about anymore. However, can't wait for tonight, 6. 30 p.m.... I'm gonna watch a Japanese horror movie named Reincarnation (Rinne) with my friends in my faculty's auditorium. My faculty is holding a movie fest this week. Will I be scared after that? Let's just see, hopefully not. ^^