Sunday, July 3, 2011

Now: K3M

Hello, world!

Well, now I'm having clerkship on another new department, and beside this current one, I "only" have 3 more departments left (i.e. Pediatrics, Neurology, Dermato-Venereology). So, I'm currently doing my K3M, which honestly, I don't know what it stands for! *my bad* This time, we're supposed to do some Public/Community Health projects, out of Yogyakarta city. Fortunate enough, my K3M isn't located too far; all of my co-ass groupmates get their K3M places in Kulon Progo regency, Yogyakarta province. Mine is at-and-around Puskesmas Galur 2, which consists of three villages. My friends and I stay at Banaran village...

We haven't decided what kind of projects we're going to do, since we just got the Puskesmas (yearly?) report yesterday/Saturday. Let's just see later.. Anywho, I feel so-so with staying at my K3M place. It's.. okay, I suppose. The hardest thing is that I can't really browse the internet (through my laptop). First, because my modem doesn't get any signal there. Second, because my laptop is kinda "old", so it needs to be charged most of the time (my laptop's battery could only last for about 1 hour). Beside problems with my laptop, I'm quite okay to stay there (I don't really need TV; most of regular Indonesian TV shows suck). Oh, since we're staying in a village, honestly, it's quite spooky to go outside at night, hehee.

I don't have anything else to write, beside perhaps, it really feels soothing to live in such not-so-outcasted village and work at such Puskesmas. So, I hope I'll come out with another nice thing to write later. :) Actually, I've got some pictures of me & my friends there, but I'm too dizzy to upload them now (thanks Danny for capturing those pics!)

I opened my window and whispered
How are you?
Alone in my room, with no one
The morning has arrived, with a heavy downpour
Someone please rewind my spring for me
I think that kind of person appeared only in old anime
How are you?
I am so jealous, that someone can be loved by all
I must stop saying silly things and start preparing
In order to hide my tear marks
"Oh well whatever" has become my favorite phrase
That line from yesterday went straight over my head:
"I don't have any expectations of you anymore."
Well, even I myself
don't have any expectations of myself,
but still, what was THAT for?!
The words that escaped from my throat
were nothing but lies
Today, too, I have wasted some valuable words,
as I continue living my life
Why is it that you end up hiding it?
Is it that you're scared of being laughed at?
Is it that you don't want to meet anyone?
Is that really true?
Drowning in a sea of the name "ambiguity",
I'm suffering because I can no longer breathe
I now have a small urge to listen to someone's voice
I am so weak
With my preparation going nowhere at all,
I start thinking with my hazy head:
"Should I just find a reason so that I can rest now?"
Nah, I know, I know,
I'm just saying things, that's all,
but I'm not going to rest, so don't get angry at me
Be I happy or miserable,
the morning sun will rise fairly and cruelly
I'm already trying my best just to live,
what else do you possibly expect of me?
Why do you end up being bothered by this?
Is it that you actually want to be loved?
Who was it that let go of your hand?
Have you come to a realization?
If my life has a time card,
then exactly when do I get off my "work"?
Who will pay me my salary
for having been living all this time?
Thank you!
I actually want to say "thank you"
Thank you!
I actually want to say "thank you"
Thank you!
Even if just for once,
while I lament from the bottom of my heart,
I actually want to say "thank you"
Why is it that you end up hiding it?
Is that you actually want me to ask you about it?
I promise that I will not laugh,
so why don't you trying tell me?
I won't know anything if you don't open your mouth
You won't convey anything by merely thinking in your head
What a troublesome species of organism,
the one called "human", that is
Hello! How are you?
To you, I say "Hello! How are you?" 
Hello/How Are You? - Hatsune Miku/Nanou 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Love & Roll - guilty pleasure

Well well well..

Somehow I'd like to write something, but what should I write? Hm..

Anyhoo, I've been halfway through my clinical clerkship -currently I'm in the 8th out of 14 departments.
Can't believe time feels like passing by so fast!
I'm now practising in Surgery Department, in the 4th week out of 10.
I never been particularly interested in Surgery, but this week has treated me quite better than my previous 2 weeks.
Maybe because the residents here are nicer to us, co-ass-es, I guess, and I like them MUCH better. :)
My previous residents were just too busy..
Oh, this is my first time ever to practise at RSUD Banjarnegara, and so far, I enjoy it here..

BTW, last March 9 was my 21st birthday.
Nothing special happened, how sad huh? :(
I really wish I could've had some nice birthday(s) all these years but it seems like I never really got any.
I think I got somewhat a birthday "gift" indirectly though: Supercell's latest album (which was released on March 16).
You see, although Supercell hasn't released many albums, I might consider it as my MOST favourite Japanese band EVER!
Thus, I instantly try searching for their latest albums, Today Is A Beautiful Day.
It has several new songs, and several of Supercell's previous hits (or B-side songs in their singles).
Actually, it's somehow below my expectation at first, but in the end I got hooked.

Why do I wrote about guilty pleasure?
Well, it just happens that I'm now somewhat addicted to their song, Love & Roll.
It was actually released in Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari single, but dunno, I just got addicted to this song recently..
This.. teasing song. xD
And I can't help it, oh my..
Its lyrics isn't as bad/promiscuous as many Western songs I know IMO (is it?).

Another thing.
I've made some sort of my favourite specialization list, based on the departments I've gone through so far.
Here they are:

Ophthalmology > Anesthesiology > Internal Medicine > Psychiatry > Surgery > Obstetric & Gynecology.

I don't put Radiology and Forensics since I just feel indifferent toward those.
However, although I won't get Clinical Pathology (and Anatomical Pathology) in my clerkship, I DO consider to take Clinical Pathology one day..
I prefer Ophthalmology and Anesthesiology though.

In fact, if I were a man, I might confidently choose Anesthesiology as my specialization (heck, I still can't believe I'm just too interested with this subject!).
But since I'm still a woman who, deep down, wants to raise her own family, husband (will be), children (will be), the busy schedule of an Anesthesiologist makes me hesitant.

So I guess, (being a) Anesthesiology(ist) is also a guilty pleasure of mine.

Well, let's just see what the future will bring to me..

And I shall enjoy other guilty pleasures I'll find along my way.. :P

"Can you hear me?
I’m calling from somewhere
as I wear my heels
Ok, well then, I’ll see in a bit
As my favorite music plays,
I wink at the mirror before I leave
With a very cute gesture,
let’s pump up the volume and roar!
My mood is a Full 10 Knockout!

Do you hear me?
This is the very first time
my throbbing heart heats up…
This is not like me…
“A lady in love”… as if,
it makes me laugh!
Big and beautiful eyes
with devilish make up!
My cheeks are uselessly lovely…
Tonight, all eyes are on me, but
I don’t know what to do
because I…

I’m not really used to this…
so gently escort me ‘kay?
I’ll try to give it my all but,
do you like it like this?
Take a good look at me,
Do you wanna ask me out?

*thump* *thump* My heartbeat won’t stop,
a girl, I wanna be like a girl
with my whimsical body covered in a sweet scent
Woooo ho!
you act like a shy boy, but
haven’t you been staring at my breast since a while ago?
So boring… you’re too shy
Wooooo ho!
all right?

Do you love me?
Show it with action,
it’s fine if you’re a bit forceful!
Not doing anything to me… How rude!
As I figured, you want to be led instead huh!?
If I push the bewildered you,
with this much, you’ll understand right?
Bring your guard down a bit and
I’ll bring my difficulty level down

It’s better taking it easy without rushing right?
Let’s escape from here and
when we’re alone, I’ll spoil you!
Do you like it like this?
Come here a bit,
Do you wanna take me out?

I take a long look at your eyes,
and feel like teasing you a bit!
I shake and shake my hip and tail!
Woooo ho!
I wanna try acting out a love scene,
so at least try calling out my name
whisper it into my ear with your warm breath!
Woooo ho!
all right?

I feel the throbbing of my heart,
a girl, I’m being a girl!
My eyes glancing up are a sign for you,
Woooo ho!
my light smile tickles your heart,
Lock on, you are already enchanted by me!
If you’re ready for it, kiss me!
Woooo ho!
all right?"

Monday, November 22, 2010

A Sudden Surge of Thought

Well well well...

I do realize that I'm not such a good blogger. However, I never intended this blog to please any other people beside myself. Like what this current post named, what I've written have been, mostly, a sudden surge of my thought.

BTW, I've already been in my co-assistancy/junior doctor stage. I'm currently in the 3rd week of Internal Medicine department. Before this department, I've been in Obstetry & Gynecology, Ophthalmology, and Psychiatry. I still get confused at times though.. I really hope, no matter what, I'd end up being a great doctor, amen. Internal Medicine DOES look hard! But I have such an inspiring, maybe she quite mirrors my "dream", DPK -dosen pembimbing klinik. I hope it's a nice sign...

Oh, something has been amusing me in these past few days. So, apparently, my (non official) name was said to be written in Museum Galuh Pakuan, Ciamis. Not only my name, but also a lot of other names that was compiled by Ibu Erni Muthalib in 2007, the descendants of Panembahan Singaperbangsa. But those names, at least some of my ancestors & relatives' names, hadn't been "edited" yet. Hadn't been edited, in the sense that for one-named person, I put their last names just like their fathers' last names/titles. You know, international genealogical sites REQUIRE people to have first & last names, while some Indonesians don't have such names.

I wonder how those museum people got my (and my distant relatives') names...
I know they got the "unedited" version because there were only names of my grandpa's descendants that were on the list, among my great grandpa's descendants.

I never intend to boast myself, but since I could be named with the title "Rr." if we hadn't lived in a republic, I become quite curious about this museum. As a bearer of "Rr." title, I think it gives us more "responsibilities" to preserve our own culture... while I BARELY know anything about budaya urang Sunda!!!

How sad!

However, I really hope, when I got married some day, I could get married in traditional Sunda Siger dress. :)

I don't wanna get married in Sunda Putri dress since I find it too simple and looks almost similar to Javanese's Solo Putri dress.
I want to have something that's really ethnic!! ;)

Actually, I find Sunda Sukapura dress as gorgeous -somewhat similar to Sunda Siger dress, but there are some differences too. I don't know though, whether actually there's any prerequisites to use that dress...

My mom's Sundanese heritage comes from Bogor, and to lesser extent Banten and Cianjur.
While my dad's comes from Karawang/Purwakarta/Brebes (the Sundanese regents of these places were kinsmen).
Sukapura = Tasikmalaya, so it isn't really my heritage...

Let's just see later.

Friday, April 24, 2009


First of all, okay, I do admit that I'm not a good writer after all. I don't write regularly on this blog, nor I've ever written any really interesting posts. xD

Anyhoo, I had (several) surprise(s) within this month, to be exact, since the end of March. One of my interests is genealogy. I'm really interested to make my own family tree and even to incidentally find my distant relatives. I have indeed found LOTS of distant relatives in 2007, when I found a genealogy site made by Ibu Erni Muthalib. Yet, I didn't really feel satisfied that time, since most of those relatives have too distant connections to me, like my 4th cousin or even further (we only have the same janggawareng). I still tried my best to complete my family tree though...

Surprisingly enough, I found two blogs that mentioned my great grandparents last month. I only remember my first cousins and my parents' siblings (plus their spouses) from both my parents' sides, so when I found people who had the same great grandparents as myself, I became really excited! Finally, I could keep in touch with those people who have the same great grandparents as myself. I feel really happy (although because of that relationship, I feel kinda old, since it makes me know my "grandchildren"; I wonder if I've already had any great grandchildren, hmm... ^^;; )

In 2007, I was somewhat pessimistic to find my long-lost relatives, because I didn't get any clue about my relatives whose connections to me are further than my first cousins. Yet, I feel more optimistic right now. I hope I could find more people who have the same uyut, bao, janggawareng, udeg-udeg, and kakait siwur as myself.

Here are some of my ancestors: Raden Bey Gembel Haryana Prawira, Nyi Raden Muningrum Sastradipura, R. A. A. Singasari Panatayuda I & II, R. T. A. Sastradiningrat, and R. A. A. Panatayuda I - IV (or as a conclusion: descendants of Panembahan Singaperbangsa).

I would also like to meet members of big family of Mohammad Natsir, if I could. My paternal grandmother said that he was her uncle (sort of). However, Mohammad Natsir was born in Alahan Panjang, West Sumatra, while my paternal grandmother was born in Payakumbuh and grew up in Bukittinggi (also in West Sumatra). I remember there were some of my paternal grandmother's relatives who lived in Rawasari area, Jakarta, and they were all doctors. Any clue?

That's all I think. Let's see, would I find my other relatives, saudara sedulur? Let's just see.